How Being a Therapist Changed My Life

I've just finished a phone conversation, and it struck me how differently I communicate with people now compared to five years ago. What surprised me was realising how much developing my therapy business had contributed to that change.

Over the years, I've worked with thousands of clients and supported just as many therapists in building their own practices. Along the way, I've learned five things through my work as a therapist that have changed my life well beyond the therapy room.

Being a therapist has taught me far more than how to work with clients. It's changed how I communicate, how I value my time, how I understand other people and how I make decisions in everyday life.

None of these were things I expected when I first trained as a therapist. In fact, every one of them surprised me. And looking back, they all connect to one particular lesson that I wish I'd learned much sooner.

Here are five ways being a therapist changed my life.

1. I've Learned to Communicate More Confidently

I recently came across an old email I'd written to a client who had asked for a discount. Reading it back was quite an experience. My response was unnecessarily long, confusing and apologetic.

It actually made me a little sad. I could see the people pleaser I used to be coming through loud and clear.

Over time, working with clients taught me that I didn't need to apologise because I couldn't offer someone an appointment, or because my fees were more than they wanted to pay. I could be polite, professional and helpful without feeling that I had to explain or justify every decision.

And gradually, that began to change how I communicated with people outside my therapy work too.

Here's something you could try. Imagine a client asks to book an appointment at a time you don't normally work. Write down how you would respond, then read it back.

Are you apologising? Are you explaining yourself more than you need to? Could you give a clearer, more confident response without feeling obliged to justify your decision?

It's a small exercise, but it can reveal quite a lot.

2. I've Learned to Act Confidently, Even When I Don't Feel It

This one began as a joke, and it's a little trick I still use regularly.

I was watching a documentary in which a producer explained that presenters on panel shows are referred to as "the Talent". They're the people who turn up, perform and get the attention, while a huge team works behind the scenes to make everything happen.

At the time, I absolutely hated being on camera. But I started referring to myself as "the Talent", the person whose job was simply to turn up, do what they were there to do and represent the wider team.

It made me laugh, but something interesting happened. Thinking of myself in that way helped me act more confidently, even when I wasn't feeling particularly confident.

And I started using the same trick in other situations.

Whether I'm speaking up in a meeting or attending a conference, I can remind myself that it's the Talent who's turning up. And the Talent has an important job to do.

It might sound a bit ridiculous, but it's been surprisingly effective. Sometimes changing the way we think about ourselves in a situation is enough to change how we behave.

3. I've Learned Things About Myself That I Might Otherwise Have Avoided

When we begin reflecting seriously on ourselves as practitioners, we're inevitably going to discover things that make us uncomfortable.

Most therapists recognise the importance of self-awareness and personal development. We understand that exploring our own experiences, beliefs and responses can help us become better at our work.

But knowing that doesn't necessarily make the process easy.

Looking more deeply at ourselves can bring up difficult experiences and feelings, including things we've managed to keep buried for a very long time.

When I first began personal therapy and supervision, my main motivation was to become a better therapist. I wanted to understand myself more fully so that I could work more effectively with my clients.

What I hadn't anticipated was how much that process would change my life outside the therapy room.

The things I've learned have completely transformed how I understand myself and the world around me.

And that learning has gone far beyond changing how I behave. It's helped shape who I am.

4. I've Realised We're All Muddling Through

Having worked with so many therapists and coaches as they've developed their practices, I've discovered something that I think is enormously reassuring.

We're all dealing with remarkably similar things.

We get nervous before certain clients. We feel disappointed when a session hasn't gone particularly well. There are parts of running a business that we absolutely can't stand.

And yet, we don't always talk about these things.

That's understandable. We want other people to think we're doing well. We want to appear capable, confident and successful, particularly when we're trying to establish ourselves professionally.

But behind the scenes, most of us are dealing with many of the same doubts, frustrations and challenges.

Seeing this repeatedly in the therapists I've supported has changed how I think about other people, both professionally and personally.

It's made me more empathic. And perhaps more importantly, it's helped me become kinder to myself.

Because the reality is that most of us are just muddling through, trying to do the best we can with what we've got.

And recognising that can be quite liberating.

5. I've Learned to Value My Time

Of all the ways being a therapist has changed my life, this is probably the one that surprised me most.

When we first start out, many of us are prepared to take on almost any client. We're often charging the lowest fees we feel comfortable with, and sometimes even less.

And I understand why. We're trying to establish a business, develop our experience, build confidence and start earning a living.

I certainly went through that stage.

But as my practice became more established, I began to realise that accepting a new client or taking on another therapist meant giving up time I could have spent working towards something else.

I had to start asking myself whether that was how I wanted to use my time.

And gradually, I became more confident about stating my fees without apologising for them.

Some people would find my prices too high. And that was fine.

But I certainly didn't arrive at that point overnight.

I've had periods when I struggled to pay the bills. I've charged far too little to make running a business financially sustainable. And I've experienced that horrible feeling of panic at the thought of asking someone to pay me, even when they already owed me money.

Learning to value my professional time has been a gradual process.

And it's had a significant impact on my personal life too.

I'm now much more comfortable deciding what I want to give my time to, recognising its value and saying no when something isn't right for me.

I don't feel the same need to explain every decision or make sure everyone agrees with me.

Some people won't agree with the choices I make. And that's absolutely fine.

How Being a Therapist Changed My Life? The Biggest Lesson: Stop Giving Your Power Away

Looking back at these five changes, I can see that they all connect to one central lesson.

Stop giving your power away.

My therapy practice has acted almost like a mirror, reflecting how I behave in my wider relationships and how I respond to other people's expectations.

I've learned that I don't have to let other people dictate how I act, what I agree to or how I feel about my decisions.

And perhaps just as importantly, I don't have to let my business dictate those things either.

At one point, I was running two successful businesses. One was a specialist therapy practice, while the other combined a more general hypnotherapy practice with my training company.

I knew which one I loved. It was the training business and general hypnotherapy practice.

But I was still earning good money from the specialist practice, and I knew I was helping people with particular needs. So I felt that I should keep it going.

The problem was that it was draining me.

I remember describing the situation as one twin sucking the life out of the other.

I could see what was happening, and I knew what I wanted to do. But it still took me months to make the decision to close that side of the business.

I'd allowed the business to take control of my decisions, rather than making decisions based on what I actually wanted.

In other words, I'd given my power away.

That experience taught me an enormous amount, not just about running a therapy business, but about how I wanted to live my life.

These days, I'm far more aware of situations where I might be handing over control to someone or something else. And I'm much better at recognising the signs before it happens.

How Can Being a Therapist Help You Grow Personally?

One of the most valuable things we can do as therapists is reflect on what we're learning, not just about our clients or our therapeutic skills, but about ourselves.

So here's something I'd encourage you to do this week.

Write down one or two things you've noticed about yourself through your work.

Think about the things you find difficult, how you respond when a client presents a challenge, or the parts of running your practice that you really dislike.

And then consider what you're doing about them.

What are these experiences teaching you about yourself? And could that learning be useful in other areas of your life?

If you're waiting until you've got a full client list or a successful business before you start reflecting seriously on your own development, I think you're waiting for the wrong thing.

You're already running a practice. You're already learning about yourself through that experience.

Embrace that learning now.

Because some of the most important things you'll learn from being a therapist might have very little to do with the techniques you use in the therapy room.

And everything to do with how you live your life.

About the author

Dr Claire Jack is a hypnotherapist, trainer and founder of the Academy of the Inner Mind. With two decades of clinical experience and extensive experience training and supporting therapists, she specialises in helping practitioners develop their skills, confidence and understanding of therapeutic practice.