The Stories People Live By: Identity and Lasting Change in Hypnosis

Have you ever said to yourself, I’m the kind of person who… and then filled in the blank with something that felt like a fact?

Maybe it’s I’m really sensitive. Or I’m very resilient. Or Things always go right for me. Or Things always go wrong for me.

The stories we tell ourselves about ourselves

These statements can sound like casual self-talk, but they’re rarely neutral. They’re often linked to identity: the internal story the mind uses to answer, Who am I? Once a statement becomes part of that story, it starts behaving like a default setting. It shapes what you notice, what you expect, what you avoid, and what you attempt. It can even shape what you interpret as proof about yourself.

That’s why identity is so central in change work. Motivation comes and goes, but identity tends to be sticky. People will break promises to a goal, but they often protect what they believe is true about themselves. If someone believes they’re not the kind of person who follows through, their mind will unconsciously look for evidence that confirms it, and it will discount evidence that contradicts it. If someone believes they always mess things up, they’ll interpret normal setbacks as confirmation, and they’ll hesitate to try again.

This is where identity work in hypnosis can be quietly transformative.

Identity work isn’t about giving clients a new label and hoping they’ll live up to it. It’s about helping the unconscious mind update the patterns it runs by, so change feels natural rather than forced. When identity shifts, behaviour often changes with far less friction, because the client isn’t pushing themselves uphill anymore. They’re moving in a direction that fits.

In practice, identity work in hypnosis has three jobs. First, it helps you locate the client’s current identity patterns: the phrases, images, and emotional expectations that keep the old pattern in place. Second, it allows you to guide your client towards a new way of seeing themselves that feels believable and safe, so it doesn’t trigger that immediate inner rejection. Third, it helps you carry the identity into ordinary life, not just the session.

Working with identity in hypnosis

1. Listen out for the identity words and phrases the client uses. Pay attention to statements that sound like self-definitions: I’m not responsible, I’m too sensitive, I always get it wrong, I’m the reliable one, I can’t cope with change. These aren’t just descriptions of mood; they’re often shorthand for how the client expects themselves, and life, to work.

2. Reflect it back carefully, without judgement, and without dismissing their experience. You can simply point out the pattern you’re hearing, and do it in a way that feels respectful and spacious. The aim isn’t to correct them; it’s to help them notice the pattern with you.

It’s also important not to treat an identity belief as wrong just because it isn’t helpful. There may be very good reasons the client believes it, based on what they’ve been told by others, or based on real patterns of behaviour and outcomes they’ve lived through. For that client, it can feel completely real. Respecting that reality is often what makes the work safe enough for change.

3. Invite a gentle experiment with an alternative identity. At this point, you’re not trying to persuade the client that their current self-view is inaccurate. You’re opening up the possibility that there may be more than one way to understand who they are, and that a different lens might change how workable the problem feels.

Sometimes this looks like identifying a more compassionate or more precise identity statement that still honours the client’s lived experience. Sometimes it’s about shifting from a global label to something more specific and changeable. Sometimes it’s about moving from a fixed identity to a developing one.

The key is that you’re not asking the client to deny their current experience; you’re inviting them to explore whether there’s room for another lens.

Work hypnotically to make the new identity feel believable, safe, and usable.

Permissive language: A good starting point is permission-based language. Identity is rarely random. It usually formed for a reason: safety, belonging, predictability, protection from shame, protection from overwhelm. So if you tell someone they are confident now, or they are calm now, or they are worthy now, a big part of them may reject it immediately. Not because they’re being difficult, but because it doesn’t match their lived evidence, and because the old identity may still be doing an important job.

This is why permissive language tends to land better. Instead of pushing a new identity onto someone, you’re inviting their mind to consider it. You’re making room for something new to emerge without demanding that it arrives fully formed. You can guide the client to allow the possibility of a different story, to notice what it feels like to relate to themselves with a little more accuracy or kindness, and to keep only what fits. The tone is collaborative: exploring rather than overriding.

Resource recall: From there, resource recall becomes a natural next step. Once you’ve opened the door to a different identity, you can help the client find evidence that it already exists in them, even if it’s small. This isn’t about dredging up a dramatic success story. It can be a tiny moment: a time they did follow through, a time they spoke up, a time they coped with something hard, a time they were steady under pressure, a time they asked for help, a time they repaired a mistake.

When you work with resource recall, what matters is the felt sense. You’re helping the client reconnect with the bodily memory of that capability: how they held themselves, how they breathed, what changed in their face or chest or stomach, what they knew in that moment. Then you gently link that experience to identity, not as a grand claim, but as a truthful recognition. This quality is part of you. It has been there before. It can be there again.

Integration: Finally, focus on integration. If an identity belief has been protecting the client, you don’t want to bulldoze it. You want the whole system to feel safe enough to move. So you can invite any concerns, hesitations, or protective responses to be included in the process. You can explore what those concerns are trying to prevent, and what they would need in order to allow change. Often the shift happens when the client realises they don’t have to lose safety in order to grow. The new identity can include the wisdom of the old one, while updating the strategy.

When this works well, the change tends to feel grounded and coherent. The client stops fighting themselves, and starts making choices that match who they are becoming. And that’s the point: not a temporary high, but a steadier relationship with self that holds up in ordinary life.